| Jon Stewart / India.Arie | |
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By Nick Mayhew
Next week, I, Nick Mayhew, will be traveling to see The Colin Quinn Show, on March 18th, 2002. Wicked cool. I'll be seeing SNL LIVE May 11th as well.
Sports report-
No, not baseball first this week. Were gonna talk NCAA. Did you all watch any pre- NCAA games, or qualifying tournaments to get into NCAA? Whether you did or didn't, a team from Albany, the Siena Saints, happened to win the MAAC (Metro Atlantic Athletic Conference), and now advances to the NCAA. This is the schools 3rd time making it there, and they won it in style. These guys were rated in 7th in their league, and beat the #2 team to advance. Now, I have a STRONG feeling that although a weak team compared to others in contention, they will win the first round of play, but fall thereafter. So, watch this afternoon and see if you catch Siena when CBS announces the grid.
No, baseball. No wait! Some NFL news. Terry Glenn, as you all know, played for the BEST team in the NFL this past year, the Pats. Now, Glenn said he wanted to make the move after the Pats withheld a mere $6.5 million from him. Now, what the hell is this guy thinking?! A team like the Pats, who are already strongly favored for next year, why would he give up. One word: Money. These players are so greedy it's not even funny. If this is what the games coming to, then gosh, I'm gonna hate pro football soon.
Baseball? Think again. The Knicks CONTINUE to suck. Just make it through this year with no embarrassment and wait till next year when they rock the division. Interesting note, my dad went to high school with none other than former Knick and current Miami coach Pat Reilly, and the other night I got to meet with this awesome man. I told him that he did an awesome job with New York and he was all thanks man. I told him he was too tough on Ewing, and he gave me a sharp look, so I decided to stop and just asked for his pic and signature.
The Yanke…..No wait, NHL time. Last time we chatted, Rangers were 1 game above 500. Blah. Now were dead even, and slipping to 2nd to last place. Wait till next year boys. On the upside, my Bahston team is tied for 1st with Toronto. However, Joe Thorton, the teams lead scorer, injured his left shoulder the other night and will be out for some time. Now, on top of this, and his suspension, we're screwed. We need to pull it together soon and fast.
Yankees- Blah week for them. Pettitte, Jeter, and Giambi all injured. Mets' Valentin isn't sure whether he'll be used this year. God I hope so.
Mailbag- queue Paul Shaffer and the crappy reruns this past week
This one comes from "cole burns" haaaaahafunny@hotmail.com
Hello,
I'm doing a research paper at school over SNL.
I need to know how much they get paid.
I have looked every where and I was wondering if you know. By they way, I have read your reviews as well as others, and your are cool, and tell that I think it's Mark Polishuk, that his are funny too.
Thanks,
Josh
Thanks for writing Josh. Always appreciate it. Now then, this ones short and sweet. SNL castmembers generally get between the range of I believe $150,000 for starting, and near $200,000 or so as you move up in the years. I do know for a fact that Will Ferrell is the highest paid castmember in SNL history, with over $300,000 in his pocket. I try with these reviews, and hope people read them. Don't know if they do, appreciate it if you do though, but thanks. I like Mark's reviews too. They're, how should I say this, spontaneously combustible? Ehh, maybe so. Notice he DID NOT mention Bob Barron's reviews. Just take note.
Wanna email me with comments or questions? pinballwizard46@yahoo.com
New videos plus some bonus stuff at http://www.fallonfey.com
Concert news- Well, Green Day and Blink 182 are coming to SPAC (Saratoga Performing Arts Center) on June 4th for "Big Day Out." Believe me, I'm going for Green Day and not Blink. This is gonna be a cool concert.
AND!!
I'm going to see my favorite band of all time in late July. That's right, THE WHO!!!!!!!!!!! I'm such a diehard fan, this is just too amazing. Won't Get Fooled Again is my all time favorite song hands down. Keith Moon is also my favorite drummer ever. Why do ya think my email address in pinballwizard? I'm going to see them right outside of Bahston. More info in the coming weeks.
Mr. Daily Show himself, Jon Stewart sits before me tonight of March 9th. This show has plenty of hype going into it, and I'm expecting huge things out of it, so I better get it. Hope to see Nancy Walls too. If she came back and made fun of SNL or something, that'll be cool. Stephen Colbert and Steve Carrell too. DS is my 5th favorite show of all time, so this is cool. He should've done this years ago. Ferrell gone = more air time for Parny and the gang. Hope to see Darrell back too. Here we go…
[COLD OPENING] A Message from Vice President Dick Cheney
Well, I knew Hammond would get an ovation. He deserves it. This is what I would expect from a Cheney opening; off topic and excellent. Saying as Vice President he "wishes to advise that David Letterman stay put at CBS." Priceless. Also, good to throw in the Enron story, and saying he thinks he knows a little something about that and then winks. Dell kid too. I like it.
RATING: 9/10
[MONOLOGUE] Jon Stewart
Now THIS is a real monologue! Comedy. I've longed for a comedy monologue all year. By far, best joke was the 'is Justin/Britney, Kid Rock/Pam Anderson before and after'. Great monologue.
RATING: 9.5/10
[COMMERICIAL] The Cheese Game
This was so ridiculously stupid I found it quite amusing. Acting was so weird it was great. George Plimpton, ehh? Good stuff here.
RATING: 9/10
[SKETCH] TRL
Ah, yes. The massive tool is back yet again. His openings and closings are great as usual. He shuts up the baby girls too. Jon was excellent, and really got into his character. The band shit was also so stupid it made me laugh and realize yet again that MTV shows suck more than Barron getting to see "the trio's" asses. Damn, I hate him. Good sketch again.
RATING: 9/10
[SKETCH] The Bloater Brothers
Yanno, I like this sketch while most people hate them. Chris and Jimmy look so goofy with the hair, that alone makes me laugh. Jokes were steady as usual, nothing special, but even better was Jon coming in as their dad, making stupid jokes too. Not that bad.
RATING: 7.5/10
[T.V. FUNHOUSE] A Cartoon By Robert Smigel: Fun With Real Audio
Ehh, a bit miffed by this one. I almost fell asleep actually. Not that funny.
RATING: 5/10
[SKETCH] Talking to the Stars with Rachel and Tracy
Hey, this caught me off guard. Good sketch idea too. Tracy, as usual, is hilarious. He needs to stay on the show just to play himself cause I laugh every time I see him. I can see this becoming re-occurring (didn't I say that about the child sleuths too?). Good job here.
RATING: 8/10
[SKETCH] The News Media
No matter what topic or when, I love these sketches. Period. Parnell's Brokaw great as usual, although Jimmy didn't sound that bad as him. Darrell played Koppel and Rather, quite a quick change. Then Tina and Jimmy come out, and Tina walks off saying she shouldn't be in sketches anyway was funny (she shouldn't either. Whoops, did I say that Jess. Haha, just kidding. She's great.) Then, wow, Tracy and Maya come in as Star Jones and Lisa Ling. No one laughed at Maya, because she sucks. Tracy was hilarious as usual. Brokaw gets annoyed and says the only way he can get Koppel out is if he starts singing, he does, then comes out and says, Brokaw, you always get me old fella (I do a good Koppel, BTW). AND the much talked about Jeff impression of Letterman was reveled, and it was fantastic. I'm a huge Norm fan, but I like Jeff's much better. He should do that more often. Great sketch! Ugh, and I gotta give it…
RATING: 10/10
[WEEKEND UPDATE] With Jimmy Fallon and Tina Fey
Favorite joke; Anna Nicole Smith. Great update, better than last week. Most jokes were funny, and who can forget, the Stevie Wonder one. Kattan was funny again, and I like Drunk Girl too. Now, although my sources tell me Drunk Girl is Jeff and not a female, he did ask Tina to make out with him/her, which does not prove but does nothing to disprove my time tested theory- I love Tina Fey and everyone wants to make out with her. Now then, Jon's bit wasn't as big as I thought it might be, but I still liked it. "big network, ain't cable." I like it.
RATING: 9.5/10
[MUSIC] India.Arie
What would I look better in for Tina on May 11; hot leather pants or nothing. Whoops, I got thinking about that because this music put me in a bored trance. WHY CAN'T WE HAVE A GOOD MG!?
RATING: 1/10
[SKETCH] Jazz Visions
Err, this wasn't the best sketch of the night. Dean was pretty funny though. Could've used some fine tuning.
RATING: 6/10
[SKETCH] We were soldiers that knew what Women Want
Hilarious spoof. Dean again- still funny.
RATING: 9/10
[MUSIC] India.Arie
Blah.
[COMMERCIAL] My Big Thick Novel, by Jack Handey
Ouch.
RATING: 6/10
SKETCH OF THE NIGHT: News Media
PLAYER OF THE NIGHT: Jeff Richards
QUOTE OF THE NIGHT: Tracy Morgan as Star Jones, "I brought my famous broccoli casserole!"
Jon, "I'll take that." Tracy, "I SAID MY CASSEROLE!"
OVERALL EPISODE RATING: 79/100
I laughed my ass of all night and I got what I wanted. Nothing more I could ask for. I would definitely ask Jon to come back again, as he tops this years shows. Solid performance, good show too, even without Ferrell. Next week, Sir Ian himself. I'm looking forward to that as well.
Guess what folks? That's the news and I am outta here…