| Jonny Moseley / Outkast | |
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By Nick Mayhew
Sports review-
Well, well. My beloved Yankees had their exhibition debut on Saturday, and boy, was it a bang. Mr. Jason Giambi hit not one, but 2 home runs in his Yankee Debut. Let's break down the Yankees by each position, shall we? Let's start with Posada- good defensive skills, sucks at hitting. Period. Yanks only have him for his defensive, because he's awesome at that. Newcomer Jason Giambi- good hitting, good defense, can't run that well but overall a good player, he seems classy enough to play for our New York team, a lot better than the Braves for sure. Braves don't get into the World Series as many times as Bob Barron gets ass raped. BTW, I like Tino better. Soriano- the man had a great rookie season, he's solid defense, hitting can use work but he'll get used to it and come around. Shortstop and SNL host Derek Jeter- one of the best on the team, and he's a classy guy. Good stuff. He can find slumps in his hitting every season, but comes out of it, and defense is always solid. Third base- even I don't know. Bernie Williams- he has to be my favorite Yankee. This guy can hit the ball no matter what, outstanding defensive player; you tell me Paulie would dive like Bernie does. Also, has to be the classiest on the team, a senior member now, and a great ballplayer. Right/Left Field Spencer- he's gonna get one of them. I'm hoping for right field. I have his autograph right above my bed in my room. A few years ago when he dove for a fly ball in the outfield I can remember he couldn't get up, had injured himself, and was out for the seaon. I still can remember watching it and seeing exactly how it happened. He also is a great player and valuable part of the team. Left Field- no clue yet. Pitching- Rocket; still strong and the Yanks #1 Man. I like him. El Duque- work on his mechanics and he'll be fine, Pettite- same thing, but overall a good pitcher. Rivera- Oh. My. God. How many saves last year? What? That's my breakdown for you, and BTW, they will win the World Series this year, mark my word.
Rangers are a weak 1 game over 500. I thought this would've been the year. Keep trying. Bahston holding on by a thread now, but they'll pull it off.
Knicks- HAHA. What a joke. These guys suck more than Pearl Harbor did. DUD.
Almost NCAA time!! Watch for a team from Albany, the Siena Saints. They'll be in this year, and I'm gonna travel with them!
Mailbag- Thanks to Paul "Are we going to ABC?" Shaffer and the CBS? Orchestra
This one comes from "lulu" <lukikiwa@aol.com>, about my reviews and SNLHQ.
i have been reading the reviews and all... wtf! There is this solid hate for rap and latino music. It's so biased - i can't stand it! Don't be a hater- rock sucks! just quit being so damn biased towards other racial music groups. i can see that another reviewer bob barron likes rap more than you, that makess him cooler. if you don't like it, you don't - but professional! I don't have to be professional- i'm not running this site- i'm messin it up!
2pac and biggy smalls forever!
Umm. Yea. In response to "lulu" and her comments, you have absolutely no right to visit this site and leave unwanted comments of the sort. This is a professional page run by Neil McCormick with the help of myself. As Neil stated, both of us put hours into our reviews making them worthwhile to read. It would not be a true review without opinions or honest criticism. I am a diehard rock and classic rock fan, and there isn't any type of music that I hate more than Rap or any of that new stuff, including boy bands. This is nothing racial, just of the opinion, which is reflected in my review. Opinion is a free right, and it is not always in a racial form, as in this case. On behalf of Neil, SNLHQ is a excellent run site and does not wish to tolerate comments like that. All that was a personal response to her. As a general response, how would it be a review without an honest opinion. Next time, watch what you're saying. And, Bob Barron has to be the most crazy person I've ever met. Besides wrestling, all he can think about is Kattan and George W. in 2004. News flash- na ga da. 2pac and biggy smalls. Riiiiiiight. Running out to buy that CD as I speak.
Wanna send me some email? pinballwizard46@yahoo.com
I happened to see Weezer February 17th. Not as good as the Bosstones, but still a great concert. Saves the Day opened for them, and after the concert, I asked the lead singer about an SNL possibility, and he said that's funny because SNL had contacted them about a week earlier for a performance sometime this year, something to keep in mind. Good concert.
I sit here on March 2 in the afternoon, wondering if I'm in for a good show. When Jeter hosted, I didn't expect much, but I got a little more than I thought. This time, I wasn't thinking I'd get more. Without Darrell, the show will be mediocre, and other than that, just bland. Let's see…
[COLD OPENING] Axis of Evil
Ferrell is here. Wheew. Another typical opening. Best part was Dr. Evil; not a part of the axis of evil, because he makes me laugh. And the dick Cheney thing was cool too. He looks around the room to make sure he's not there. Ahh, good stuff here. Not a bad opening.
RATING: 8/10
[MONTAGE] Opening Credits
Well, well. Pardo has been gone a lot lately the past 6 years. If Darrell was there, we'd be hearing his voice, but with the help of my small republican friend, and I mean small as in brain, Bob Barron, I concluded it was Seth Meyers. And, Parnell is back for good?!?! I thought it was just a cameo, but this made my freggin day! So cool to have him back.
[MONOLOGUE] Jonny Moseley
Pretty cool having Jonny skiing down on the ramp. Clever idea. This was a great monologue. He comes out and says, "this is the normal ceremony that the 1st, 2nd, and 3rd place winners get. And then this was the 4th place winners party." Then proceeds to show himself in a bar drinking his brains out. Better than average monologue.
RATING: 8.5/10
[SKETCH] Sully and Denise
I've grown to these sketches and like them. Jonny going them up giving them advice for their relationship was great. Maybe he could've helped me out. Ugh, anyway, this was good, favorite part as always was Frank, when he mistakenly ate the lotion as something else. Oh boy, best part.
RATING: 9/10
[SKETCH] O'Reilly Factor
PARNELL IS BACK! YES! Lorne has finally come to his senses and let Jeff do one of his many impressions. I watch O'Reilly Factor occasionally, and this was HILARIOUS. The crowd obviously knew nothing about this or politics, but Jeff did everything right. I don' agree with you but I'll give you the last word. GREAT sketch!
RATING: 9/10
[SKETCH] Dismissed
I never watch MTV. It's gone to shit now. But from what I can gather, this was a funny skit. The premise of having some dude hang out with 2 whores all day and then decides which one he wants to have sex with is funny for me. And that's the one just on MTV. This parody included all of that plus it let MTV know what kind of messes up programming they have. And who better to play a dumb slut than Maya? Opps, did I just say that. But seriously, I mean that in the nicest way. Not bad…
RATING: 7/10
[SKETCH] Jonny Moseley for Peace
One word: DUD. This sucked royally. No sense at all. It made less sense than when Ross Perot talks. I like the Devils more than this sketch. Nice try.
RATING: 3/10
[WEEKEND UPDATE] With Jimmy Fallon and Tina Fey
Will they put back Chris' voiceover for this? Jokes started out cool, but then slowly ran out of gas just like Inside Schwartz did. I like the Cow and the Red's owner one. Chris Kattan thing was the most ridiculous thing ever on update. Ferrell and Poehler's bit was cool, cause they were looking for Mr. Lorne Michaels to host the last half of the show, because they got first and second place in one competition. Nice job here. Jimmy's an ass when it comes to this; I know he was acting, but did he have to sound like he always does around other people in the studio (not on camera)? Tina said we'll finish this next week; will the be an ongoing joke?
RATING: 8/10
[MUSIC] Outkast
I better not say anything, or it might be taken as a racial comment, so I'll just post a rating.
RATING: 0.5/10
[SKETCH] Super Buzzers
Parnell again. Sweet. This reminds me of exactly how stupid this show was and still is. All impressions were good, I liked Ana's and Dean's. Jonny: "Can we start the game?" Parnell: "Don't make me go Stone Cold on you." An impression skit- I always like these.
RATING: 7.5/10
[SKETCH] Dance Fever
This skit was made for Ana. She made this skit awesome. "Either you do it my way or I quit." Great. Other than that, the rest was blah. But Ana brought the rating up because she's super cool.
RATING: 6.5/10
[COMMERCIAL] My Big Thick Novel, by Jack Handey
I like these more.
RATING: 6/10
[MUSIC] Outkast
Note to self: Next time, wear ear plugs.
[SKETCH] Extreme Wedding
Wow. This was more interesting than watching George W. speak and doesn't have a single idea of what he's talking about.
RATING: 4/10 (This still was higher than the music!)
[COMMERCIAL] My Big Thick Novel, by Jack Handey
This one was better.
RATING: 7/10
[GOODNIGHTS] Goodbyes
Parnell is back, because Jonny didn't thank him. Nice to see these rap groups always bring there entire freaking family and cover up the real stars of the show so we can't see them. Have you ever seen Tom Petty do that? I don't think so.
SKETCH OF THE NIGHT: The O'Reilly Factor
PLAYER OF THE NIGHT: Chris Parnell (no, he really deserves this)
QUOTE OF THE NIGHT: Jonny Moseley in between Sully and Denise, "There's only two things in life for sure; one is if you go up up, down down, left right, left right, b a select start, you get unlimited men on Contra."
OVERALL EPISODE RATING: 62/100
Ehh, an ok show. I knew nothing special, but it was ok I guess. Jeff finally got to do some stuff. The only thing is, with this many people in the cast, that means less air time, but that does not mean Parnell shouldn't be back. He's awesome on the show. Since he fired him, Lorne must've gotten thousands of emails asking what he was smoking when he fired him, so he couldn't stand it anymore, so after he had sex with Amy and promoted her, (something I'll be doing on May 11, and not Bob!), he asked Parnell to come back. Next week; Jon Stewart. OMG. This will be possibly the best show of they year. The man is a comic genius, and if Letterman moves over to ABC, he's the frontrunner for CBS. He'll do even better than Leno. Could we see a fight on Update between Jon and Tina? Could we see some DS people come to SNL, for one, maybe a return cameo to SNL? That's right, Nancy Walls? We'll wait and see. For now, I'm gonna go get tix to see RAW in April, and BTW, I'M GOING TO SNL MAY 11 LIVE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Guess what folks, that's the news and I..am..outta here